You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
