I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
