he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
