Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
