I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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