so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
