My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
