i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
