are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
