i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
