she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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