Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
