God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
