Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
