somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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