Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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