just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
