I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
