I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
