Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she told me i tasted like america
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
