I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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