I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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