So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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