Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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