so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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