Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
