Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
