Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
