just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
pray to the hookup gods
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
