i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
