he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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