last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
