i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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