you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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