I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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