Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
