life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize