Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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