Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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