I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
