my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
