coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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