ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
