Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
