as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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