It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
