I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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