God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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