your thong is hanging out like whoa
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
