I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
