Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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