The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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