i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
