Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
