you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
