Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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