Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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