I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
