you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
