I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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