May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
