I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
