Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
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