this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
