I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
