Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
