Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize