The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
