So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize