um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
