when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize