bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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