i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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