Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
